[00:00:00] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Would you to describe your book of when the Rocks sing as a, as a guide? I
[00:00:04] Marv Weidner: would, uh, I would, I would describe it as a guide of, you know, telling a story about two people very much in love about the loss that, that she and I both experienced in, in her passing. And then really, um, as much as anything, it’s about helping people think about refining their sense of purpose.
[00:00:28] Marv Weidner: About finding the reservoir resiliency that we all have within us, but we may not yet know it about how to stay connected to your community and how to seek help and for men getting out of our own way, uh, to be able to embrace, um, uh, our own emotions. And honestly, uh, come to grips with the impermanence of life in a way that also then gives us a sense of freedom and urgency about how we live.
[00:00:58] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Welcome to the Kooler [00:01:00] Lifestyle Podcast. I’m your host, Matt Kuehlhorn, and I’m excited to have you join me as I interview community members and business leaders from the communities in which I live, work, and serve through my business Kooler garage doors. We’re gonna bring you highlights on characters in our communities.
[00:01:15] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Why? Because community matters, and I want to know more about who is behind our business and leadership in order to understand and support the community fabric that our relationships make up. And collectively, we can build stronger communities that support our lifestyles, our youth, and our health.
[00:01:38] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Kooler Lifestyle Podcast. I’m your host, Matt Kuehlhorn. Today I’m sitting down with two amazing people, Marv Weidner and Carol Goldfein Davis, their co-authors of the book, win the Rocks, sing a Story of Love, loss, and Learn Learning to Live. Again, we’re pulling [00:02:00] on Carol’s background as as a grief counselor in March story and.
[00:02:05] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Marv, Carol, I’m so appreciative of you. Thank you for joining today. Thanks for having us.
[00:02:10] Marv Weidner: Thank you. Thanks.
[00:02:11] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Yeah. Are you both beaming in from Gunison, Colorado?
[00:02:16] Marv Weidner: I am.
[00:02:18] Carol GoldfainDavis: Yep. Yeah, the beautiful coming morning is great. It is
[00:02:23] Matthew Kuehlhorn: gorgeous today. I love it. I’d love to begin and build a little bit of, of context and story.
[00:02:30] Matthew Kuehlhorn: So Carol, I’ll start with you. I’d love to hear just a little bit of a background of a summary of the story. You know, maybe start where you grew up and how the Gunnison Valley found you and how you got into working in your profession. So,
[00:02:45] Marv Weidner: Wow. Okay.
[00:02:46] Carol GoldfainDavis: Loaded, loaded. Question three sentences. I’ll try. Um, you use a few
[00:02:52] Marv Weidner: more.
[00:02:55] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, I grew up in a military family, so traveled a lot. [00:03:00] Uh, and, um, kind of had a, I think the, the outcome from that was sort of a bigger worldview. Something I think that was helpful. Mm. Uh, coming to this career later as the counselor just being able to understand culture experiences and there’s more than one, one way to cook the soup, you know?
[00:03:18] Carol GoldfainDavis: Right. So, um, but I saw a lot of, um, Skilled people whose emotional life were preventing them from accomplishing what they could with skill. Mm-hmm. So I went into this particular field of counseling, um, came out to Gunnison kind of at a transition time in my life, about 2000 sevenish. So I’m not a pioneer the year, but, um, I’ve been here for a little while at my husband and, um, Let’s see.
[00:03:50] Carol GoldfainDavis: Uh, I began working actually in the hospice and home health section in, in Gunnison Valley and got to know a lot of really good people [00:04:00] and kind of moved my practice more towards bereavement and grief and working with families that were dealing with loss. So that’s where I met Marv and Marty and um, that’s kind of where this story began, kind of.
[00:04:16] Carol GoldfainDavis: Yeah. The book.
[00:04:19] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Did you know at a young age that you would go into counseling? Did you always have this heart for helping people? Um, I think
[00:04:27] Carol GoldfainDavis: I always had an interest. Maybe all of us kind of have that we should contribute something that you wanna help people, um, in us. Um, and so I went toward, maybe towards the medical field, um, did some work with teaching deaf education, things like that, um, but didn’t really land in that as much as why did that person do that?
[00:04:49] Carol GoldfainDavis: Or what, what are they think it, what are they feeling? Where is the wounding? And it was so impactful just in different points in my own life. [00:05:00] Um, to have some help understanding, loss, death, um, relationship that, uh, I think that’s how I ended up here.
[00:05:11] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful.
[00:05:13] Marv Weidner: Yeah. Mar, where did you grow up? I grew up in Iowa, um, in a small town, in a very traditional Midwestern lifestyle.
[00:05:23] Marv Weidner: You know, grew up in the cornfields and, you know, my mom was a school teacher. My dad was a, you know, small car dealer. And, you know, I grew up doing what Midwestern boys do, you know, um, playing sports and being outside. Yeah. I love that.
[00:05:44] Matthew Kuehlhorn: And you are a consultant. How did, how did you get into consulting and how did the Gunnison Valley find you?
[00:05:54] Marv Weidner: Uh, well, it’s a little bit of a story of, uh, first part of my life. So, uh, when I [00:06:00] first came out of school, I was a United Methodist minister. For a few years, I went to seminary at Northwestern University and spent, uh, a few years doing that. Uh, I’ll tie it back to this later, but, uh, during that time, um, I conducted over 130 funerals and worked with, uh, grieving families.
[00:06:22] Marv Weidner: During that time, I transitioned out of, uh, church work into state government and spent 20 years there. Doing things like refugee resettlement, welfare reform, uh, and a few other, you know, big projects. And coming out of that, I knew, um, you know, what, what worked, uh, what I thought worked in government and what did not work in government.
[00:06:44] Marv Weidner: And that was the basis that I used to start, uh, small consulting company that since, uh, 1998 have been working with local governments and not-for-profits, really all over the country. And one of those, one of those [00:07:00] relationships, um, began in 2007 with Gunnison County. Uh, and that’s where you and I met in those years, right?
[00:07:08] Marv Weidner: So That’s right. You know, my late, my wife Marty and I came here, uh, and started living here in 2012. But our, our, our life here began with our work, with the county meeting, uh, you and many other wonderful people. And of course this physical environment is here, is nothing short of inspiring. So that’s, that’s how we got to, that’s how I got to Gunnison County.
[00:07:33] Marv Weidner: Beautiful.
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[00:08:16] Matthew Kuehlhorn: All right, well, let’s, um, let’s drop into the main topic because I think this is gonna be the, the real benefit for the listeners. And Marv, my question to you is, Why author
[00:08:31] Marv Weidner: the book that you’ve written? I. Well, as, as you know, and, and your listeners probably may not know, uh, my dear wife Marty, uh, died from cancer, um, in July of 2017.
[00:08:48] Marv Weidner: Um, and as part of, uh, my grief process, Um, you know, I spent, you know, it felt like I’m sure to Carol days and weeks counseling with her, and one [00:09:00] of the things that she suggested I do is to begin a journal. So, And I wrote, you know, uh, every day in the journal, I would ask myself questions and develop the answers, or I would have thoughts or actions that I wanted to take and coming through that process.
[00:09:20] Marv Weidner: Um, and with Carol’s encouragement, I think I was learning quite a bit about the grief process and what worked for me and maybe what would work for others. And the book really grew out of. That desire to share what I was experiencing to help others see perhaps themselves in my story and not feel alone in the grief process.
[00:09:44] Marv Weidner: Um, and, uh, at some point, uh, pretty far along in the writing process, I asked Carol, uh, if she would write from a counselor’s perspective after each one of my chapters. And the [00:10:00] reason I, I found that was that I found myself. Wanting to share more, uh, about how to respond, how to get help, how to reconnect with the community in ways that really were beyond my, my ability.
[00:10:15] Marv Weidner: Um, I was, I found myself starting to try to write things that I’m not really qualified to say. So I looked to the expert that I knew and the person who had helped me so much through the grief process. So that’s how Carol and I then became co-authors. Of when the Rocks sing. Yeah.
[00:10:35] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Would you describe your book of when the Rocks sing as a, as a guide?
[00:10:39] Matthew Kuehlhorn: I
[00:10:39] Marv Weidner: would, uh, I would, I would describe it as a guide of, you know, telling a story about two people very much in love about the loss that, that she and I both experienced in, in her passing. And then really, um, as much as anything, it’s about. Helping people think [00:11:00] about refining their sense of purpose, about finding the reservoir resiliency that we all have within us, but we may not yet know it about how to stay connected to your community and how to seek help.
[00:11:12] Marv Weidner: And for men getting out of our own way, uh, to be able to embrace, um, uh, our own emotions and honestly, uh, come to grips with the impermanence of life. In a way that also then gives us a sense of freedom and urgency about how we live. Mm.
[00:11:34] Matthew Kuehlhorn: There’s so much, so much gold right there. Marv. Um, Carol, I’m curious on a.
[00:11:44] Matthew Kuehlhorn: You know, maybe a clinic level or human level, like how does grief get defined?
[00:11:53] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, defined? Wow. It’s a pretty broad, um, [00:12:00] definition that I’m kind of thinking of. Uh, probably I would say just the loss. Of anything a, a loss being, um, something important, something has taken place, um, that gets in the way of your entire life function, changes you, changes, um, the trajectory of your life perhaps.
[00:12:23] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, and, uh, it can be on a giant scale of something as small as just, oh, I really wish I would’ve gotten into that. Class I didn’t, you know, I got kept out two, losing a spouse. Mm-hmm. And, um, and beyond, you know, I, I just think losses come in a variety of different colors and shapes and, uh, the grief is just the resulting condition that you find yourself in trying to cope.
[00:12:56] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, And figure [00:13:00] out how to relive your life. Um, that would be a positive take on it. It can just devastate and paralyze us really. So, so in order to come back out of that, it’s actually a normal part of our life. We have grief, uh, that impacts us regularly. And, um, depending on how you learn to cope with this small.
[00:13:27] Carol GoldfainDavis: Uh, little situations of loss. Uh, it will impact how you cope with the big situations of loss, like of a person who’s, um, ate, um, or your father or your daughter. Um, all of those things. Um, just getting brief, I think just encompasses all of that. All of the things that get in the way. Mm-hmm. Of you being able to live what you thought you were going to live.
[00:13:55] Marv Weidner: Um,
[00:13:57] Carol GoldfainDavis: and, and how you deal with [00:14:00] that. What does it do to the rest of your functioning life, I guess, for lack of a better way to say. Yeah,
[00:14:10] Matthew Kuehlhorn: do, would you, and this is kind of an open question now, either one, but um, what I’m hearing, especially mar when you talk about sense of purpose, resiliency, you know, seeking help, community connection.
[00:14:24] Matthew Kuehlhorn: You know, being attuned to emotions and I mean, what I’m hearing, especially when it’s a, a big loss and I can only imagine losing a, a spouse because, you know, after being with my wife for 20 years, she becomes part of my identity now and is like, this is, this is the big challenge in a lot of ways. Correct.
[00:14:48] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Like it’s an identity shift. Like, not only is it a bundle of emotions, but it’s, it’s a change in identity. Is that, would you agree with that or?
[00:14:59] Marv Weidner: I would [00:15:00] agree with that. Um, in my case, uh, losing, you know, my beloved, my spouse, she was also my business partner, my co-parent, she and I did everything together.
[00:15:13] Marv Weidner: So no longer was I a married man, no longer was I part of a couple. Our family, you know, completely, you know, had to adjust to, you know, this wonderful woman who, you know, loved us all was gone. Um, so it really is a shift in identity. And you mentioned purpose, Matt. My primary purpose in life during our 19 years together was to be the best husband I could possibly be to Mark.
[00:15:47] Marv Weidner: That purpose just evaporated. And, uh, it took a while. It took, you know, several months for me, well, took a few months for me to realize that I had, you know, [00:16:00] my basic fundamental purpose in life was gone. And it left me very much a drift. Um, and it took, it took a lot of work. It took a lot of, uh, help, encouragement from Carol, my son.
[00:16:14] Marv Weidner: Friends. Um, and I landed on, uh, a, a sense of purpose for my own life, which is to live with an open heart and rebuilding that sense of who you are, your identity in the world really takes a lot of effort and a lot of thought, and a lot of time, and it’s no small thing. Uh, the grief processes can be very intense.
[00:16:42] Marv Weidner: As it was for me with waves of grief, just r you know, washing over me, um, more frequently and bigger waves at first, and then those lessened in frequency and lessened in intensity. But the grief process really, uh, can [00:17:00] shake your foundation and refinding that sense of purpose. And why am I still here? What do I wanna do with my life now?
[00:17:10] Marv Weidner: Um, are really very fundamental questions that when answered, you might find that you really do have a sense of purpose and a reason for continuing, uh, to be here. And, you know, I would say for me, the loss really. Um, prompted a lot of self-examination, a lot of release of old hurts or old wounds or old emotions as well, and really for me, forged what I hope is a more compassionate life as a result of this loss.
[00:17:49] Matthew Kuehlhorn: As beautiful. It’s hard work. Yeah, I can. Yes, I can. I can imagine. And, um, you know, the [00:18:00] spectrum of, of grief, you know, from what I’m hearing, like small losses, whether it’s, it’s not attaining a goal that one sets in, in business or athletics or, or whatever, like that actually has a little sting potentially to it because we, we get locked in and it’s part of who we are or who we want to become, and.
[00:18:21] Matthew Kuehlhorn: On a large scale litz saying a spouse or a close family member friend like that can really, as you mentioned, shake the foundation. Mm-hmm. Um, why is it important to go into the hard work? Uh,
[00:18:40] Marv Weidner: Carol, you wanna do that?
[00:18:44] Carol GoldfainDavis: Why is it important, Marv? Oh my goodness. Um, Well, it would be, I guess, uh, like pulling the rug out from under you completely. And then it’s, wait a minute, I thought I knew who I was and where I was going. And I think if you [00:19:00] don’t take it seriously and you ju it, it will dictate to you what happens and the feelings and emotions rather than you dictating.
[00:19:10] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, taking a hold of that and recognizing it and moving into it and looking at what it’s absolutely done. Um, and what you wanna do with that. You still have the freedom to make all of those choices, but you just feel like, um, you’re just completely off balance. So I think you could go into a more severe place of being off balance, um, if you don’t look at it.
[00:19:36] Carol GoldfainDavis: And, and I think oftentimes, and I, I saw this a lot probably in my own. Parents when they experienced the loss of their parents or other friends being in the military, you would have all kinds of things occur. Um, if they don’t deal with it, it, um, uh, it’s the boss. The grief and the emotions and the feelings you don’t understand are what dictate things.
[00:19:59] Carol GoldfainDavis: And I [00:20:00] think it’s a matter of taking back, um, your choices and your ability to make decisions and who you are and the value of you. Uh, and what you can contribute to the world. Um, it’s just taking that back so we can stuff it, but I think it’ll find a way to come out, you know, you’ll get terrible case ulcers and or be miserable.
[00:20:23] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, I really think it’s just a matter of like with anything, if you just look at it and realize that this is just an occurrence and how do I want my life to be as a result, um, is more of a self-determining. Um, choice that you can
[00:20:40] Marv Weidner: make. That’s a beautiful statement. If I could add my experience to that was that I found that if I tried to deflect or push away or suppress the emotions that were coming up, the sadness for me was that the emotion would stick to me.
[00:20:59] Marv Weidner: It was [00:21:00] like, it, it stayed inside me, right? If I could allow it, if I could embrace it, This is especially a challenge for men to embrace and express the emotion. I found that I was freer to breathe. I was freer to move, continue to move forward. So I made a commitment that no matter what I was doing, if the emotion came up, I was gonna let it get expressed in the tears or the sadness or whatever I needed to do at the time, even if I was working.
[00:21:31] Marv Weidner: I would excuse myself and allow those tears to come. And I think for me, that was really an incredibly powerful and important part of the healing process is to allow those feelings to get expressed, to embrace them. And you know, as men, we don’t have to be afraid of those emotions stuffing them. We should be very afraid of doing that because of all the things that Carol talked about.
[00:21:57] Marv Weidner: Um, so that, that [00:22:00] was, you know, very much a very personal part of my experience that Carol explained. Yeah. I love
[00:22:07] Matthew Kuehlhorn: that perspective. And I, and I resonate with that. I think that, you know, for men and women to really feel is a challenge. Yes. It’s not something that’s, um, you know, elevated in our society. We want to, we want to do and we want to.
[00:22:24] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Be doers, but we don’t really get encouraged to feel and recognize what our body is feeling and, and yet if we, if we don’t take control over some of these experiences in our life, I agree it’s gonna come out sideways somehow and it’ll be outside of our control. And certainly we could have the option to numb and ignore, but then it’s just gonna fester and eventually need to be dealt with one way or another.
[00:22:54] Marv Weidner: Um,
[00:22:56] Matthew Kuehlhorn: so for listeners that are, that are tuning in, [00:23:00] maybe they’re dealing with, with small impacts of grief, maybe it’s it’s severe grief. What are some practical pieces? I heard journaling was, was a component for you, Marv, and I’m just curious what are some other pieces that can help us go and, and touch these things that are thorny and uncomfortable and, and yet it.
[00:23:20] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Um, likely healthy to do. What are some practical pieces for listeners?
[00:23:26] Marv Weidner: Well, a couple that I would, uh, just mention from my own experience was, um, the name of the book, uh, the title of the book rather, is when the Rock Scene and that came from, uh, I took a trip. I found that traveling alone really forced me to get back out into the world.
[00:23:46] Marv Weidner: And when I did that, um, I experienced, um, the clarity of nature. Um, when the rock scene came from, [00:24:00] um, walking on a beach on the south island of New Zealand where I, I walked, I walked that beach for three days and sometime during the second day, I began to hear. The, these, the rocks on this beach were beaten into sort of a disc shape.
[00:24:18] Marv Weidner: And when a large wave would come in and then wash out over the top of them, they, they just chattered together. Right. And I realized at that time, at that moment, that finally my mind was quiet enough and my heart was calm enough for me to actually hear. The sounds and the beauty of nature again, and my wish in the, in the book is that for everyone who’s experienced a loss, that they too will come to a time when their mind is quiet enough and their hearts are calm enough to actually hear those beautiful, you know, messages and sounds of nature.
[00:24:57] Marv Weidner: So getting out into nature. Getting [00:25:00] back out into the community, um, were very, very important things for, for me and part of my resiliency, and I know Carol has much more to say about this topic.
[00:25:15] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, I think one of the things I admired about Mar, um, because some was just something within him that kind of became a courageous. Ability to move and act. And, um, that’s not always the case because we completely feel paralyzed and lost and, um, off balance. So I appreciated the fact that he was willing to just move right into it.
[00:25:46] Carol GoldfainDavis: And, and I think sometimes, um, well initially y you are just so off balance that I think you just sort of need some time to yourself. But I would say initially one of the most [00:26:00] important things would be, uh, one of the statements that Marv, I believe makes in the book is don’t do this alone. The there grief is real.
[00:26:10] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, it’s a common human experience. Um, but we’re not meant to try to live, I don’t think, as an isolated being. We really need a team around us that loves us, cares for us, supports us we’ll, listen, um, To what we have to say, which is a lot of the processing of just thoughts that are just needing a place to go, someone to hear you is vital, really vital.
[00:26:42] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, so I would say a support team around you. People that are supportive, not judgmental. Just willing to listen. They don’t have to have the answers because there aren’t any good, clear answers. Um, this, it’s not a fixable thing, but it is a place where you, uh, that one or two [00:27:00] or three friends, um, that you’ve told, just listen to me.
[00:27:04] Carol GoldfainDavis: You don’t have to fix me. I’m working on this myself. Mm-hmm. But just listen. And, and that’s something that can be provided by any good friend. Um, Or a counselor, someone that will just hear you and, and perhaps give back what they hear you say to you. But mostly it’s just a place to go and, and, and express everything that’s going on, the confusion and the chaos that has hurt.
[00:27:34] Carol GoldfainDavis: So I would say a support team is probably number one. Um, And maybe educating them to, uh, to say, uh, hey, can I just sort of blab for 20 minutes or 10 minutes or three minutes? Um, and, uh, it, it’s not gonna be pretty and you don’t have to make sense of it. I just need a place to vent. And those people are valuable.
[00:27:57] Carol GoldfainDavis: They can just listen.
[00:27:58] Marv Weidner: Yeah. [00:28:00] Yeah.
[00:28:00] Carol GoldfainDavis: Never. What do you think about that, Marv? Is there something else that that
[00:28:03] Marv Weidner: brings up? Well, it just brings up a lot of good memories about, uh, about staying connected with, you know, I guess my team of supports. And, you know, it, it also leads into then how do you, how does one be with someone else who’s experienced a loss loss?
[00:28:21] Marv Weidner: And I think the, the wisdom that you expressed, Carol, and what I experienced is that if someone, Is experiencing loss. Just be with them. Don’t try to fix them. Don’t, don’t say very much. Say very little and listen and give them a, a, a safe space to be themselves, whatever that is. Whether that’s, you know, talking or crying or sitting on a river bank, you know, drinking, drinking a beer, whatever, whatever it is.
[00:28:53] Marv Weidner: I remember a couple of friends, uh, after Marty passed and my son was here, uh, [00:29:00] took us out fishing. Right. So it was, we didn’t, we didn’t talk about anything heavy at the time. They just let us be Right. And I remember catching fish and crying at the same time. So it was, it was like that, right. Just be with them.
[00:29:18] Marv Weidner: And don’t say very much, uh, and let it be about them and not you when you’re, when you’re trying to be with someone who’s grieving.
[00:29:28] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Yeah. Holding, holding that open space. Um, this questions are rising. Are there gifts in loss?
[00:29:41] Marv Weidner: Yes, there are gifts and laws. Um, for me, I, I think it, um, It helped me open my heart further to life to embrace the impermanence of life and see the beauty of that. Um, I think our [00:30:00] culture really tries to shy away and is afraid to talk about the impermanence of life. Um, yeah. And I think embracing it well, there’s a, there’s a Buddhist saying, and it says Face death at any moment.
[00:30:16] Marv Weidner: And live life fully at all times. Right? Which captures for me and captured for Marty, um, that sense of balance of, you know, life isn’t all just one thing. It’s not all loss and it’s not all love. Um, but it’s, it’s really the fullness of life and the entirety of the experience. And I found the greater the love, the greater the loss, right?
[00:30:43] Marv Weidner: The greater the love of a job, the greater the loss. If you lose it, the greater the love you have of the person. The deeper the connection, the greater the loss. But that’s also the beauty of human life. And embracing our humanity, [00:31:00] I think gives us a great deal of freedom, a sense of urgency to be present, uh, in each moment and each day.
[00:31:08] Marv Weidner: Um, if. So I, I would express the benefits of the grief and the loss process in that way.
[00:31:19] Matthew Kuehlhorn: As well said, I would, I would tend to agree with the expression of humanity needing the super highs and the, and the super lows. And that ultimately when we collapse ’em, that’s when we get into that present moment of tears and and love. Mm-hmm. And. Without opening our hearts and being that vulnerable to experience those, those real lows, we’re not, I mean, if we, if we hold ourselves back from feeling the lows, we’re also holding ourselves back from feeling the, the epic highs.
[00:31:55] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Um, man, I, I feel the presence [00:32:00] and the hearts, you know, in this conversation, and I really wanna recognize you both, and I appreciate the. The vulnerability that you bring into the world, Marv, with sharing your loss and, and putting this book out there in, in the, uh, the realm of helping folks and really doing what you do.
[00:32:17] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Cuz I think this is an extension of what I’ve seen you play is the consultant role and, and making things better and operate better for people. Um, so I appreciate that. As we start putting a, a bow tie on our conversation today, I’m, I’m curious from both of you, what are we excited for?
[00:32:41] Carol GoldfainDavis: I did what, what comes to mind? Barb, do you have something
[00:32:46] Marv Weidner: right off? Yeah, I’m ex, I’m excited about. What, what, you know, the universe of the world is going to bring my way today. Uh, I’m ex I’m excited about what’s next [00:33:00] and, um, I don’t, I don’t know what’s next, but I’m back in love with life. I’m still in love with life and I, you know, I’m excited about really, as I said, what’s next?
[00:33:15] Marv Weidner: Um, and it, you know, If you live with an open heart, it can get crushed through that vulnerability. Yeah. But it’s the vulnerability that also opens you up to what may come your ways in, in ways that you can embrace it and bring joy and love into your life.
[00:33:37] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Beautiful. What are you excited
[00:33:40] Marv Weidner: for? Car.
[00:33:42] Carol GoldfainDavis: And I am excited for people to read Mark’s story.
[00:33:45] Carol GoldfainDavis: Um, I had one gentleman write me the other day and he said, you know, I just felt like I was kind of all of my experience, so he had also lost his wife, um, was to feel calm and seen and [00:34:00] recognized and, um, mm-hmm. This is sort of normal. I’m not the only one going through this, I guess. And it was just a sort of a surprise that he said that, but, But just to know that we are all experiencing those same things and it adds that richness when you can fold it from the positive sense of all of the memories and all that you’ve learned and the compassion that you feel for everyone else around you.
[00:34:23] Carol GoldfainDavis: That’s all. So experiencing that same thing, I think it broadens us that way. I think we, we don’t want that. We don’t think it’s a good thing, but there’s something very enriching. Um, Um, I guess broadening is probably the word about the whole experience and moving through that together with other people.
[00:34:42] Carol GoldfainDavis: There’s a closeness and a deeper relationship that you can establish with them from that.
[00:34:50] Marv Weidner: Yeah.
[00:34:51] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Well said. For the listeners, if somebody wants to reach out and connect with you, either one of you and find the
[00:34:59] Marv Weidner: [00:35:00] book. How do we do that? Well, I don’t have a big social media presence, but I am on Facebook, uh, and you can reach me through that or message me.
[00:35:11] Marv Weidner: Uh, the book is, is virtually everywhere. It’s on Amazon, if you don’t mind buying things from Amazon or if you’d like to buy it through the publisher itself. It was published from Ballast, B a l l a s t. Books, palace Books, and it’s on their website. It’s also on Barnes and Noble and, you know, wherever you might, uh, find books as well.
[00:35:35] Marv Weidner: Mm-hmm. Awesome.
[00:35:38] Matthew Kuehlhorn: How do we reach you, Carol?
[00:35:40] Carol GoldfainDavis: And I think, well, I was gonna say, I think we also have a copy in our library.
[00:35:43] Marv Weidner: We do, we do have copies in our libraries. That’s correct. You
[00:35:47] Carol GoldfainDavis: can check it out or, or even read it on a Kindle, that’s actually an option. Um, and I am just in the, there’s a called a counseling collaborative in Gunnison.
[00:35:59] Carol GoldfainDavis: [00:36:00] Um, probably you can find me in the phone book too. Um, still doing a small counseling practice here. Um, and so. Well, I do have a, on the website that’s not currently active, mostly people just gimme a phone call or send me a text and by my phone, you know,
[00:36:22] Marv Weidner: so, yeah, I, I would add one other thing to, and that is, Locally here in the Valley, as I, and I know you’ve had, um, members, uh, of Living Journeys on your podcast, Matt and I know how involved and committed you and Annie are.
[00:36:37] Marv Weidner: So you can get the book through Living Journeys. Uh, they are giving them free. Um, there’s a group, uh, on the Western Slope called Hope West that I just learned about, uh, as a hospice. I think, uh, network in the Western slope that is, um, is is using the book in their book club upcoming and I [00:37:00] think, uh, I think that they’ve asked, uh, for uh, maybe a speaker for one of us or both of us in August.
[00:37:06] Marv Weidner: So, uh, hope West is also engaging the book.
[00:37:11] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Beautiful. We’ll include these links and give listeners you the option to, to pick this up in our, in our show notes. So, so please check it out and, you know, again, I wanna recognize you too. This conversation is, is really rich on the, on the humanity side. And I think as we get better, you know, personally in, in recognizing it’s not a dealing with, it’s a recognizing and, um, Moving through with emotions that can sometimes be uncomfortable.
[00:37:46] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Like ultimately as we can gain this skillset, I do think it, it goes into living longer. Mm-hmm. And, and living more fuller and, and broaden as rich. And so as listeners, you know, if, [00:38:00] if we are experiencing any level of grief, like. What I heard out of this was courage, taking the courage to connect, taking the courage to get out into nature, taking courage to journal and to feel these emotions.
[00:38:15] Matthew Kuehlhorn: Um, it’s a really important part of human. Um, so with that Marva Carol, thank you so much. Um, I want to just give you a few moments if you have any final words for, for listeners. We’ll close out this conversation and.
[00:38:31] Marv Weidner: Appreciate you. Well, thanks for having us on, Matt. I think this, this podcast is, you know, just such a great service, uh, to our broader community here in Colorado and, and beyond, uh, to have these kinds of very human conversations.
[00:38:48] Marv Weidner: So mm-hmm. Thanks for having us. Yeah.
[00:38:52] Carol GoldfainDavis: We appreciate all of the, um, just the chance to say something a little different. People are usually uncomfortable. I. [00:39:00] Talking about, and we need to know it’s okay just to push those words out. Sometimes it feels like pushing through a brick wall just to say, you know, I’m kind of hurting today.
[00:39:09] Carol GoldfainDavis: You wanna just sit and talk or sit down and have a cup of coffee or something and just be honest and open. And I think that helps the other people around you too. So, Thank you so much, Matt. You’re, you’re great. That’s,
[00:39:27] Matthew Kuehlhorn: well, thank you guys. I look forward to seeing you both in person very, very soon. And um, yeah, again, thank you for the conversation, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening to the Kooler Lifestyle Podcast. We count on your subscriptions, your likes, your shares and I encourage you to do that. Now if you’re watching on YouTube, go ahead and subscribe lower right hand button. If you’re on audio, download this, share it. And we look forward to having you on the next one.